A Catalogue to Delta's Life

Hi. I'm Delta. I'm a girl, I'm trans, and Delta is the name I chose for myself, partly because I like what the word represents: change, transition, becoming something different. Considering my life, that feels pretty fitting.

But don't mistake that for the defining feature of me. It's part of my story. I'm also the girl who can spend an evening gaming, listen to a podcast while walking around, get way too invested in some completely random topic, talk about philosophy for hours, and then get irrationally excited about food.

So, that's Delta.

One of the biggest things that shaped me is freedom, not just abstractly. I care about it because of what I've experienced. I really don't like being told what I have to be, think, believe, or want.

I'm also pretty allergic to bullshit. Superstition, dishonesty, manipulation, irrationality, people deliberately refusing to think: they get on my nerves fast.

I like being able to ask:

"Okay, but why?"

I've been around computers and the internet since I was nine. I got into programming young, and computers became much more than a hobby.

Free Software and open-source culture shaped how I think: autonomy, openness, privacy, control, the ability to understand the things I use. A lot of my personality grew around the internet. Computer, internet, and music are three things that would make life significantly more boring without them.

I love learning how things work: sometimes computers, sometimes people, sometimes why a historical event happened the way it did. I don't need a practical reason to get interested in something. "That's interesting" is usually enough.

Good food. Interesting people. Gaming. Chess, provided that I'm winning. Podcasts. Walking around and talking with someone. Travel. Music. And having a genuinely good conversation: one that starts ordinary and somehow ends up on philosophy, politics, relationships, life, or something absurd.

I'm kind of a picky eater. Not in an elegant food-critic way. Just picky. But I love food when it's something I actually like.

One of my ideal situations is ridiculously simple: go somewhere by the sea, get on a boat with someone I like, put on some music, drink beer, eat kebab, talk about life. That's pretty much a five-star Delta experience.

With nothing I have to do, I don't want to turn it into a productivity challenge. Sometimes I just want to be alone: game, watch YouTube, watch a series, listen to music, exist.

Other times I want to spend the whole day with friends: go somewhere, walk around, talk, eat something, maybe travel. I'm happy with both sides of that.

Life feels like it's going well when I have at least one person who's genuinely on my side. I don't need hundreds of friends. I'd rather have a few who actually matter. I'm pretty serious about loyalty.

Talking behind my back, being two-faced, betraying a friend, dishonesty, disrespect, being generally shitty to people you supposedly care about, all of that can make me lose respect for someone very quickly.

I don't expect people to be perfect. I do expect them to be real.

Don't judge me for being myself. Have an open mind. Don't be narrow-minded. Have your own thoughts and opinions. Be honest. Ideally, have political and philosophical views that aren't wildly incompatible with mine.

I like people who can actually think, who are curious, who can entertain an idea without freaking out, who aren't afraid of weird conversations, and who understand that friendship doesn't need to be an elaborate social strategy game.

My sense of humor takes time to load. You might meet me and think "okay, she's funny sometimes." Then, after knowing me a while: "Oh. That's what she meant."

My humor is one of those things you kind of have to learn. Not necessarily an efficient user experience.

I can say it. But expressing affection through words isn't my strongest skill. I'm much more comfortable showing that I care.

If I care about you, I'll probably do things for you. I'll remember things. I'll help. I'll show up. I'll spend time with you. I'll make an effort. I'll worry about you. I'll probably send you some stupid thing because it reminded me of you.

So if you're looking for constant verbal reassurance, I might occasionally be confusing to love. Talk is cheap. I tend to believe actions say much more.

Tolerance: specifically, tolerating things that annoy the absolute shit out of me. I'd also like to be a better listener. Sometimes I react too quickly to things that get on my nerves, and I'm aware of that.

I'm not presenting myself as a perfectly self-aware, emotionally optimized human being. I'm still figuring things out.

Philosophy changed the way I think. Being pushed into studying mathematics and physics, even though I wouldn't have chosen it, shaped my relationship with logic and analytical thinking. Computers, programming and the internet have been part of my life since I was nine, and Free Software gave my existing ideas about freedom, autonomy and independence a concrete form.

Somewhere between those things, I became the person I am now.

A very free life with uncertainty, or a very safe, stable life with less freedom? I'd pick the first one, probably without needing much time to think about it.

I want independence. I want the ability to make my own decisions. I want room to change my mind. I want to become someone different if I realize the person I am isn't who I want to be. Stability is nice. But I don't want stability to become a cage.

Not particularly complicated: enough money to live independently and comfortably, my health, and at least one person who is genuinely on my side: someone I can trust, someone I don't have to constantly second-guess, someone who doesn't judge me for being myself, someone I can just exist around.

That sounds like a pretty good life to me.

I'm a trans girl. It's important to me. But I'm not interested in being reduced to that one fact.

I'm Delta. I like computers, games, food, music, talking to interesting people, travelling, philosophy, the internet, stupid jokes. I like being alone sometimes, and having people around sometimes. I have opinions, flaws, weird interests, stories, a life. Being trans is one part of that life.

You don't need to perform. You don't need to play some weird social chess game. You don't need to carefully construct the perfect friendship. You can literally just message me and say:

"Hey, wanna be friends?"

I genuinely miss the simplicity of friendships when we were kids. You met someone, you liked them, you asked, and suddenly you had a new friend. If I like you, I'll probably make it obvious eventually. If you like me, just tell me.

Let's go get food. Let's play something. Let's walk around and talk. Let's travel somewhere. Let's sit somewhere stupidly late at night and talk about things that don't matter and things that matter way too much. That's probably all I really want.